Redneck dating jokes

Directions to your house include "Turn off the  paved road." your dog and your wallet are both on a chain. You ever got too drunk to fish. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures. Boyfriend: Awww spell it out to make it more romantic. Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet. A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. A: They both run at the first sign of emotion. There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. You ever cut your grass and found a car. You clean your fingernails with a stick. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. You think the French Riviera is foreign car. And the Dad slaps the boyfriends face hard! You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!" She giggled and said she was sure I'd meet the challenge! When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Beurau of Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can. Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt. Q: What's a boyfriends definition of a romantic evening? Your dad walks you to school because you're in  the same grade. Q: What is the difference between a sofa and a boyfriend watching Monday Night Football? A: The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader. You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head. The dog can't watch you eat without gagging. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. A butcher goes on a first date and says 'It was nice meating you' Every time I have to carry my groceries up the stairs, I wish I had a. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath." You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen. Q: What do you call a boyfriend who Masterbates more than twice a day? You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature. You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack. A: The good ones are already taken! Q: What is the difference between motorbike and boyfriend? Because "You" "I" count as 1 Girl: asshole. How do you get your boyfriend to do sit-ups?